How to Talk to Your Parents About Getting Help At Home

Starting Home Care: Tips, Phrasing, and Common Concerns

When the time comes to discuss home care with aging parents, it’s often a delicate conversation. You may feel a mix of worry, responsibility, and even apprehension about bringing up the topic. Rest assured, these emotions are common, and having an open, empathetic conversation is key to setting the right tone.

Below are some helpful strategies, phrases, and responses to common objections that can help you approach this sensitive topic with your loved one.

1. Start with Empathy and Understanding

Opening the conversation with empathy can make your parents feel heard and respected. Here’s an example of how to start the discussion:

“Mom, Dad, I’ve noticed that taking care of everything around the house can be a lot of work. I want to make sure you both feel as comfortable and supported as possible.”

This opening acknowledges the hard work your parents have put into their independence while showing you want what’s best for them.

2. Use “I” Statements to Ease Defensiveness

By framing your observations through your own concerns, you can make it less about them needing help and more about your concerns and ultimate desire to help them.

“I’ve been thinking about how much easier life could be if you had a bit more support around the house. I worry about you managing everything on your own.”

This language centers the discussion around your feelings rather than on their potential limitations, making it easier for them to accept the idea.

3. Be Prepared for Common Objections

Many aging parents may have hesitations about receiving help at home, often because they fear a loss of independence or privacy. Here are some common objections and ways you can respond:

Objection: “I don’t need help; I’m fine on my own.”

Response:

“I know you’ve been managing wonderfully, and I’m so proud of you for that. I also think having some help here and there could keep you independent and make life easier, so you have more time and energy for the things you enjoy.”

Objection: “I don’t want a stranger in my home.”

Response:

“I completely understand. Choosing someone to invite into your home is a big decision, and we can take our time finding someone you feel comfortable with. I’d love for you to meet them first, so you feel in control every step of the way.”

Objection: “I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

Response:

“This isn’t a burden at all. Helping you find the right support gives me peace of mind, knowing you’re safe and well taken care of. It means we both get to enjoy more time together and worry less about daily tasks.”

4. Highlight the Benefits of Home Care for Maintaining Independence

One of the biggest misconceptions about home care is that it takes away independence. You can ease this concern by reframing home care as a way to keep your parents in their home longer and in control of their lives.

“This support isn’t about doing things for you—it’s about making sure you can keep doing the things you love without wearing yourself out. You’d be able to enjoy more time at home, which is where we both know you want to be!”

5. Make It a Gradual Conversation

This conversation doesn’t need to happen all at once. Sometimes it’s best to plant the seed and let them think about it for a while. A gentle approach might be more effective, giving them time to warm up to the idea.

“Maybe we could try it out just a little and see how it goes? That way, we can find out if this support could make things a bit easier and more enjoyable for you.”

6. Provide Options and Involve Them in the Process

Involving your parents in choosing a home care provider can give them a sense of control, easing some of their concerns. If they know they’ll have a say in who is helping them and how, they may be more open to the idea.

“I’d love for us to meet some people together and decide who feels like the right fit. You have the final say—you should feel comfortable with anyone who helps you.”

7. Highlight How It Will Ease Your Mind, Too

Sometimes, a parent will feel more receptive when they know it will benefit you, too. Letting them know that having extra support eases your mind can help them understand how important this is for you.

“It would really put my mind at ease to know you have a little help. That way, I can worry less and enjoy our family time together even more.”

8. Acknowledge and Respect Their Autonomy, While Keeping the Conversation Open

Ultimately, this decision is about them, and they may need time to think it over. Letting them know you’re open to continuing the conversation can help them feel respected, not pressured, and shows your commitment to finding a supportive path together.

“This is your choice, and I want you to feel comfortable with any decision. I’d like us to keep talking about this and to be able to openly share how I feel with you, too. I’ll give you some time to think what we talked about, and I’ll check back in soon to see what you think.”

Start the Conversation About  Introducing Home Care With Confidence & Empathy

Starting this conversation may not be easy, but by leading with empathy, addressing concerns with understanding, and involving your parents in the decision-making process, you can help make it a positive step forward. Home care isn’t about giving up independence—it’s about preserving it, with a little extra support along the way.

Remember, you’re not alone in navigating this path. Many families face this same challenge, and with patience, respect, and open communication, you and your parents can find a solution that works for everyone.